I, Mia, am a sober curious university student. You might also be sober curious and seeking advice., or simply wondering what even is sober curious and how does it work when you’re at university? It’s a bit of an ambiguous concept, as our relationship with alcohol changes when we move from our home towns into the student world where much of the social life is characterised by our engagement with party culture, or in my case lack thereof. The main piece of advice here is that partying does not have to be synonymous with drinking. I’ll say that is the first step to acceptance for someone that wants to be more in control of their relationship with alcohol. But here’s my advice on how to be sober curious at university while still feeling very much part of uni culture.
What is the definition of sober curious?
“Sober curious refers to an individual’s exploration and re-evaluation of their relationship with alcohol. It involves taking a closer look at their drinking habits, motivations, and potential negative impacts on their life, without necessarily committing to complete abstinence.”
I like this definition a lot for two reasons:
1. It encourages us to explore and evaluate our options. Two very useful skills for when we try new things. Advise yourself to go through the criteria of whether you liked it, whether you would do it again, and if you didn’t like it, what can you do differently next time?
2. It’s low commitment. We’re already committed to enough as students. Part time jobs, deadlines, grades and the people we’re meeting everyday from friends to romantic partners. I didn’t want to put a label on my relationship with alcohol, stating that ‘I drink’, or ‘I don’t drink.’ Sober curious is a label I can get behind, not a yes or a no, just ‘when I feel like it.’
It’s important to do things and make choices that you are comfortable with, no amount of pressure to experiment or be who you’re not around new people should take away from the personal boundaries that you’ve already put work into creating in your life so far. Alcohol is like a person; they shouldn’t be allowed to compromise or disrespect your boundaries at any point in your own journey of defining them.
Liquid Courage? Advice on when alcohol can be useful
As someone that struggles with social anxiety, the phrase ‘liquid courage’ is something I found reassuring at first when going out with friends. I’d often get the flippant “Oh just have a drink you’ll be fine” or “Hey girl! We need to get you drunk and bring your mood up.” This approach worked for a while when I was in sixth form, navigating party culture for the first time where underage drinking is quite normalised on a national scale in the UK. Alcohol can be a tool, when used safely and legally. Those first time situations sometimes need a little grease on on the old spokes if you’re not used to meeting loads of new faces and chiming into small talk.
I found my anxieties didn’t always dissolve away with the salt on the rim of a cocktail as it did for others. The pressure was all very much there for me to keep up with everyone even when my stomach hurt from the mix of drinking and overthinking. I also felt a lot of pressure to be that carefree person who should be taking advantage of her body’s regenerative nature and youth. Something wasn’t sitting right with me on nights out and often if it didn’t sit right, it would always find its way out. Sink, toilet, bedroom floor you name it!
After speaking with some friends, I discovered it’s a bit of a mixed bag. Some who often drink to excess on nights out and really enjoy it, and some who were also becoming interested in the idea of managing their consumption. This isn’t to say those that were going all out weren’t present in the moment. The main advice from their point of view was that it helped them let off steam after a tough week or they just enjoyed the silly conversations in the smoking areas and chatting up a storm in a state of mind where they were at their most carefree.
It’s not about making it into a competition of whose the most mentally present. Sober curiosity ensures you’re having fun in a way that suits your mind and your body. Especially your body. That was also another reason I reserved drinking for times where I really had the desire to do so. To drink for yourself not because it was socially expected. I recommend going through that trial and error process of combinations of time of day or night, pace and choice of drink to find what really works for you.
How much of Gen-Z today are becoming sober curious. Is it just a trend?
Gen-Z are becoming at large more health conscious when it comes to alcohol (and generally) and open to new things. Some say we are the most sober generation yet! I spoke to another friend about this and she said she agrees that the pressure to drink has become diluted because we’re among a more openminded cohort of people. Social media apps like Tiktok and Instagram have begun to push the ‘under-consumption’ agenda and this can apply to how we view alcohol consumption.
A Drinkware study in 2022 found that adults between 16 to 24 were among the lowest proportion of those who drink once a week at 36%. Micro trends come and go with the clean girl aesthetic, putting water with lemon slices on a pedestal and ditching sugar and alcohol among other neurotoxins. However, this isn’t just a trend but a long term gateway into a culture that views drinking as a conscious choice rather than a social lubricant.
We all had those PSHE lessons about peer pressure and the videos suggesting a force beyond our control to keep up with the crowd. I’m not so sure this is accurate anymore as we discover it’s not the external pressure but the pressure we naturally put on ourselves to fit into a new place with new people all around us. Gen-Z are also some of the most individualistic and accepting people about when it comes to self-seeking pleasure and valuable experiences.
The sober-curious movement is our light at the end of a tunnel of rooted social expectations. Gen-Z is the best place to be if you’re sober curious and seeking advice. You’re probably more likely to find people that will say “Oh I’ve heard of that!” or “Good for you!” The pressures finally off so now more then ever is the time to explore your options, use tools like social media and websites about alcohol awareness, and deconstruct what a ‘good time’ really means to you.
Here’s an article that can provide more advice on where to start on being sober-curious and some insight into the health benefits. https://www.healthline.com/health/alcohol/sober-curious#health-benefits
I’d also recommend reading the full Drinkware study.
3 tips for navigating social events as a sober curious individual.
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The Drinking Rule of 3
“The 0-0-1-3 program is a Department of Defence wide prevention method established to educate U.S. service members on how to drink responsibly and what can happen to them if they choose to drink irresponsibly.”
Ive taken this from the Tyndall Airforce Base website as an insight into the drinking rule of 3 and how I found it useful when I looked for tips on mindful alcohol consumption. Army divisions across other nations such as the USA have taken on the 0-0-1-3 rule since 2004 to ensure safety and pace when consuming alcohol. The first two zero’s are for safety. Zero underage consumption and zero driving whilst under the influence. Duh! The one stands for 1 drink per hour which is the maximum your liver can process and metabolise. The three stands for 3 drinks per outing which I find myself sticking to quite naturally as someone who can’t handle physically drinking to excess but again this is just an idea of how to think carefully with numbers. The advice here is to begin setting boundaries if sober curiosity is something want to incorporate into your lifestyle.
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Designate a cut off time
Designating a cut-off time in the night helps to separate alcohol from the experience. No ones saying you have to go home just because you’re not drinking anymore, but being able to finish drinking at a certain time helps you tap into all the other senses that are being stimulated. Whether that’s taste if you’re out at a dinner. Sound, if you’re out at a club or live music event. Sight if you’re seeing a performance show of some sort. When you set yourself that goal or time it helps to make the rest of the night run smoothly and pulls your focus towards the activity you’re doing and the people you’re with.
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Have someone who is willing to go home with you if you’ve had enough for the night.
Safety when drinking is everything and I remember feeling anxious about going out if I wasn’t with people who would take a breather with me if I got too overwhelmed by my place in a group when I was the only one not drinking. I’d recommend finding someone who also isn’t too concerned with getting drunk to have a good time. In our generation, friends like this may be easier to find than you think. It can be reassuring to have someone that can stay with you if you want to leave or just to go on a side-quest and get away from a setting that is not on your current wavelength. Never ever go home alone if you’ve had too much and never ever feel guilty for wanting some company if you’ve had enough of it all! A good friend will join you, not judge you.
With being sober curious comes finding things to do that can be fun without alcohol. Check out our other articles on where to find sober activities if you’re starting University soon and want just mixer no liquor.
Last Updated on August 9, 2024
Published on August 7, 2024
I’m Mia, a student at Manchester University studying History and Sociology. I love writing all things advice, tips and tricks to maximise your experience here in the big city. When my friends can’t reach me, I’m probably taking pictures at some random rave and dabbling in the world of photojournalism or curled up in bed with my kindle and phone on DND.
