From the new workout junky to the new head chef, lockdown is changing us in more ways than one… and we are here for it.
With strict lockdown measures in place, it seems everyone is adopting new personalities and taking new hobbies to the extreme. Here are all the different people you will encounter during lockdown.
The Athlete
This is the person who is making the most of the once a day outdoor exercise allowance, by doing enough for their entire household. They may have always enjoyed the gym and miss it dearly in their hearts. Perhaps they are new to the fitness scene and have completed one too many of Joe Wicks morning PE lessons. Now seeing themselves as a professional athlete with an extra year to train since the Olympics has been postponed.
The Patriot
This is the person who is hanging rainbows in their front windows, clapping and cheering for the NHS in their finest blue clothing every night of the week, not just when the rest of the country joins in. This will also be the person constantly absorbing the news, either by staring at the news on a TV, listening to the news on the radio, or spelling out news headlines with their spaghetti letters on toast for lunch.
The Historian
This is the person who is writing a lockdown diary of everything they do and think. It’ll probably include all of their amazing trips to the kitchen and bathroom and for some even the garden. They will also have found salt dough recipes online to capture the handprints of children, and carefully carve in the caption ‘Lockdown 2020’, so they don’t get it confused with all the other lockdowns we have had to endure.
The Adrenaline Junkie
This is the person who never seems to be at home. They are always just nipping to the shops, whether it’s for their household or any one of their neighbours. Or if not the shops, then they will be walking someone’s dogs or cats. For them any reason to leave the house is essential, and enough to get their heart pumping.
The Panicker
This is the person living in their own fortress of solitude, complete with toilet paper rolls stacked to form the walls and face masks stretched over the top to form a roof. This person will spray you with Dettol if you stand to close to them, or their 100 bottles of bleach and 50 cans of soup. They will also shun for a week you if you dare to cough or sneeze in their presence.
The Chef
This is the person that is always in the kitchen no matter what. Maybe they have finally decided to open that recipe book that bought years ago and are now an expert in Thai cuisine. Perhaps when they can’t sleep, they go and bake an old-fashioned sheet cake, complete with glace icing and sprinkles. Or maybe they cannot live without their favourite fast-food chains and are transforming their kitchens into franchises for McDonald’s and KFC, with makeshift burgers and buckets of chicken.
The Snacker
This is the person that always seems to be eating, whether they are going to the bathroom or sitting in their bedroom a bag of crisps or chocolate bar is never far away. This person is a close friend of ‘The Chef’ and always hovers around the kitchen, ready to eat anything that’s declared edible.
The Social Media Addict
This is the person who tweets and snaps everything, this may not be too bad when they are out and about doing interesting things. However, the lockdown means this person is at home all the time, and they will flood your timelines with photos of their pets, also trapped in their households and unable to escape the hourly photoshoots until ‘The Chef’ announces some form of instagramable food. Where they can use hashtags like #stayhomestaysafe and #hopefromhome .
The Complainer
This is the person who will not shut up and complains about absolutely everything, even if it means contradicting themselves. If it’s sunny outside they complain because they are stuck inside, and if it’s rainy outside then they complain because they can’t see what’s happening outside. They complain when they are bored, and no matter what solution is offered, they claim that is also boring.
The Hard Worker
This is the person who never sits down and is the nemeses of ‘The complainer’. They see the lockdown as a chance to catch up on old hobbies and jobs or create entirely new ones. One day they may be deep cleaning the entire house, then the next they have signed up to multiple online courses, and the day after that they have found the book by Marie Kondo and decided to declutter their homes by filling their bins and cluttering their front garden.
