Five ways to tell if you’re the ‘psycho ex’

We’ve all been there. Whether it’s a once in a while cheeky little Instagram stalk or a more thorough scour, we’re all guilty of exhibiting slightly unhinged behaviour after a breakup.

It’s totally normal to miss someone, but there are those who take it to the next level and truly earn themselves the title of Psycho Ex.

These are the signs you’re not just being nostalgic…

1. You message their friends

Just stalking their Facebook profile isn’t enough; you resort to messaging some of their closest friends. Good old Sam who was once at your ex’s birthday meal gets a message from you frantically asking how your ex is, if they’re seeing anyone else and why they haven’t responded to your message (which was sent three days ago and you’ve been left on seen?!). You then wonder why you’ve been blocked on every social media outlet and decide to question your sanity for a minute. But only for a minute, of course.

2. You make a fake account(s)

Damn, your ex’s Twitter account is now private. And you can’t follow them from your personal account because that would look weird. Instead, your only hope is to create a fake Twitter and follow them. While you’re there you may as well follow everyone else they’re following because you never know. If you’re truly dedicated, you’ll have several different fake accounts on various social media platforms. You can never be too careful right?

3. You religiously stalk their new squeeze

If your ex has liked their new profile picture, tweeted them, commented on their Instagram or done anything to remotely suggest a blossoming relationship, you’re on it like a car bonnet. New squeeze or not, you straightaway jump to conclusions. So begins a devoted relationship with them at the top of your Instagram search history. You don’t even need to type their name in anymore.

4. You deliberately try and run into them

It’s not stalking if you ‘accidentally’ run into them. Right? You hear off the cuff from a friend of a friend that your ex’s friendship group might be going to a certain club at the weekend. You hate that club, but it suddenly sounds weirdly appealing. Cue you begging your friends to come with you for a night out there: I don’t remember saying I hated it. You must have got me confused with somebody else! God, everyone’s so forgetful these days.

5. You constantly check if they’re online

You may have stopped talking three months ago, but that hasn’t stopped you from checking their last seen on Whatsapp and Facebook. Seeing when they are online or active gives you a happy buzz and also makes you nervous wondering who they’re talking to. You know you’re crazy but you just can’t stop looking. It becomes part of your morning and evening routine. It’s hard to break a habit, OK?

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