I am not an international student, so what authority do I have here to be giving advice? Well, some of my own friends here are and have their own unique perspectives on their experience of making friends as an international student. I asked Cem, Kunjan, and Vedant, five questions each about how their experience back home compares to their time in university and moving to the UK. They’ve gotten back to me with some helpful advice and reassurance on how to make friends and build core social networks in university.
1. What was your first impression of the social environment at your university, and how did it affect your ability to make friends?
"I travelled a lot during childhood so I think that helped but for other international students coming especially from South East Asia, the culture shock and social environment is very different. The way it works in first year is that everyone is basically starting from scratch so that's almost comforting that every new person you meet is there in the same boat for the first time too no matter where you are from. Even if the values or cultures are different, it's not necessarily a bad thing, when it comes to making friends in university as an international student."
I enjoyed Vedant’s answer a lot as he highlights how background and origin doesn’t have to be the defining feature of your university experience. Of course it’s definitely a factor that might make you feel different from people. When I say I’m going home, I’m only taking a 3-hour train down south but for Vedant, it’s a whole lot of packing and flying. In terms of the social playing field whilst you are on campus, he offers that reassurance that the experience of starting somewhere new for the first time is kind of universal.
Making friends as an international student doesn’t have to be overly impacted by your background. For his case it might even be enhanced to have a greater worldview to be able to share with others. I have definitely learnt a lot about his Indian culture and widened my friendship demographics in university simply because the environment allowed for so much more mixing and curiosity for others.
2. What challenges did you face when trying to connect with local students, and how did you overcome them?
Cem is from Turkey and sheds light on how taking your time and slowing down was a challenge. It forced him to focus on stronger bonds with people here to help him settle into a new place.
"Just be yourself when you go to an event, lecture, in a society, working out, at the club, at a bar it doesn't matter. Try to say hi and start conversations step by step. You will find people with the same mindset, I think it's more about building social networks over time and those people will bring you towards others in a way that is secure when you don't rush things"
We can all benefit from Cem’s words of wisdom here. What is the rush?! Three to five years for a degree, some even more, is a long time. Give the people of your future a chance to compete with the people of your past a bit. There’s comfort in the fact you haven’t met everyone in your life yet. What Cem is reemphasising is the importance of slowing down.
3. Have you found any particular events or activities at the university helpful for making friends? If so, which ones?
The usual, go to societies, go to your accommodation bar, speak to your flatmates all that jazz. But as an international student, it can be a bit more complicated than that. The things you do in your home country for fun might be slightly different than in the UK. Maybe there isn’t as much of a drinking culture among young people or maybe you’re just not sure how to reflect your experiences with your friends back home in this new place.
"It's best not to go out thinking you will immediately make friends, it's about going to do what you enjoy yourself and that is where you will find like-minded people that follow"
As an international student, finding things that are socially engaging like pub quizzes, society game nights or activities that take you out into the city like day trips is a great way to meet those like-minded people. The pub quiz was a huge contender for making friends as an international student because it allows you to learn new things from others and for others to learn from you when answering the questions.
This link to the Manchester Uni International Society is a good place to start looking for events: https://internationalsociety.org.uk/
4. How do friendships in your home country differ from the friendships you’ve made here?
Some found it easier to build connections with people from the same ethnicity or background. Some saw it as less important to compare their friendships back home to the new ones they were making here. Kunjan, originally from India but living in Abu Dhabi talks about the difficulties of coming to the UK from a more conservative social experience and how he has found people that have helped him adjust and relieved the pressure to “do uni the right way”.
"Coming from a more culturally conservative environment, I definitely had some challenges with figuring out the best way to meet people when certain activities are less normalised in society when I lived in Abu Dhabi. Especially drinking or doing things outdoors in terms of attending an event or venue where I'm used to hanging out with friends at home or playing a sport. I think it did a lot for me to get me out of my comfort zone. I have enjoyed meeting people here that don't judge me for not being into the drinking culture or for example being more overtly sexualised in intentions when going out to meet girls at a club but my friends here don't isolate me for that or judge me. We just learn from each other and find activities we can all enjoy with or without the whole typical university culture"
Kunjan sheds a bright light on the expectations of social life in university. I thought it was so refreshing to hear his view on the importance of not characterising your friendships solely around what is socially accepted or expected. Even though his friendships in his home country differed greatly, he was able to adapt to new activities like enjoying clubbing whilst not feeling pressured to drink with everyone.
Kunjan also spoke to me about how sports societies really helped him make friends as an international student in ways that were still familiar to what he does back home. He has enjoyed the fact there is so much more of a social culture around sports to make a whole day or evening out of it that has helped him meet more people. He reassured that there are still ways to find friends that align with your cultural values whilst going out of ones comfort zone to experience the liveliness and excitement of the city and local people.
5. What advice would you give to new international students on how to build a social network at university?
"Mainly having those conversations to find out what people enjoy and like to do for hobbies or on the weekends, since I spent summer travelling more and with friends I already knew those things about them but coming to a new place I had to begin building friendships more over time and not rushing those connections"
This is true even of local students so tying into what Vedant said about us all starting on an equal playing field, even if you have a different background to someone. Cem gave me a unique insight into how we’re so used to rushing those connections in an effort to make friends in large quantities and fast. But uni is so large, the pond is not drying up any time soon. When making friends as an international student there might just be that extra challenge of slowing down a bit as you are adjusting to a new place but also new people.
As an international student, you’re already doing a lot of mental work moving. For some of you that’s halfway across the world, bringing stuff with you that reminds you of home while you accumulate all the new things, memories and people that will be part of your new home for the time of your studies. So just giving everything a chance to fall in to place is advice I even have to remind myself of from time to time. Everything gets pushed along with a simple ‘hello’. Those that reciprocate may trigger a connection and those that don’t will just leave space for the people you’re yet to meet the next time.
Of course this is only two experiences versus thousands of international students on campus. Here’s another deep dive article into daily life as an international student in the UK.
Last Updated on December 4, 2024
Published on November 4, 2024
