The census only comes around every 10 years, so of course, as British people, we’re going to make the most of it. And by that, we mean make really really bad jokes about it. So here are the 10 funniest #AlternativeCensusQuestions from Twitter.
1. We just know that our Queen Tayce would have filled in the bottom one.
Do you or anyone in your household currently have any of the following:
[ ] The Cheek
[ ] The Nerve
[ ] The Audacity
[ ] The Gall
[ ] The Gumption
[ ] All of the Above #AlternativeUKCensusQuestions @its_tayce
— Charlotte (@momentisaidit) March 22, 2021
2. Absolute Radio hit us with a throwback, and now we can’t get it out of our heads.
"Are we human? Or are we dancer?"
— Absolute Radio (@absoluteradio) March 22, 2021
3. We were really relieved that the rest of the internet felt like the questions were a bit detailed and intimate. We were worried too!
I honestly thought they were gonna ask for my favourite sex position #AlternativeUKCensusQuestions
— Turdette (@turdette_) March 22, 2021
4. Glad they didn’t include this one. We don’t need to be called out like this.
Do you know what colour bin to put out on Bin Day without checking to see what the neighbours have done? #AlternativeUKCensusQuestions
— Sharon (@slinkysharon) March 22, 2021
5. And just when we’d got Human out of our heads…
What is love?
[ ] Baby don't hurt me
[ ] Don't hurt me
[ ] No more
— wombey. (@yt_wombey) March 22, 2021
6. So, what you’re asking is, in theory, how much wood, would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Well…
On the day of the Census: a) How many woodchucks were in residence at your home, b) How many of those present were physically capable of propelling timber using only their own force and, c) What is the total amount of woodchuck-flung lumber. #AlternativeUKCensusQuestions
— The Time Being (@namomnetempus) March 22, 2021
7. Is this a threat or curiosity? Either way, a horse-sized duck would be TERRIFYING!
Would you rather fight 100 duck sized horses or one horse sized duck? #AlternativeUKCensusQuestions
— 🏳️🌈 Claire 🏳️🌈 (@Doim68) March 22, 2021
8. Nandos knows us well. Too well.
— Nando's (@NandosUK) March 22, 2021
9. Honestly, it is the most asked question in the UK. We’re amazed it didn’t make it onto the census.
Can anyone else smell weed?
— Daisy J Hollands (@DaisyJHollands) March 22, 2021
10. And finally, another earworm.
Are you ever going to:
[ ] give me up
[ ] let me down
[ ] run around
[ ] desert me
— LocKenDown The Sequel (@LazarusKen2) March 22, 2021