Over a month ago I came to the end of my English Literature and Creative Writing degree at De Montfort University. I have felt a full range of emotions since finishing, most positive but some bittersweet. No one really prepares you for post university life. I’m only a month in, but here are a few of my take aways from the past couple of weeks.
1. Experiencing burnout
Like many other students finishing their final year at university I was submitting pieces of work right up to the final deadline. Honestly, I have never felt stress like it and it crawled into all aspects of my life. As someone who is highly organised, I assumed that I had balanced everything just right for me to be able to manage my work load. This went out the window in those final weeks and I felt like I just moved through the work in auto pilot. This feeling of burn out also came with savouring feelings and emotions, whilst taking in the weight of it all. Nothing will ever be the same after those final weeks and this chapter of my life was ending. Emotionally it was a lot to contend with.
2. Feelings of dread
I was lucky enough to have a few connections whilst I was at university to attempt to get a job post graduation or begin a masters degree. I did have a successful interview on the final week, but alas i came second out of all the candidates. Leaving me back on the checkouts earning minimum wage again. I was really fixated on doing a masters for a while. A few of my tutors were really enthusiastic about me doing it. In the last few weeks since leaving, when imagining the workload for a masters made me feel anxious. Even if I had the summer to recuperate, I still don’t want to go down this path anymore. So the job hunt continues, but for now I’m just enjoying being present and not having too many responsibilities to attend to.
3. Shifting my mindset
After submitting my dissertation in April, I immediately signed up to run a 10k running race after watching the London marathon TikTok’s and convincing myself I could do it easy. Which is funny because I’m asthmatic and I barely ran. I’ve loved training and it has given me something to work towards. However, since finishing university I have made the connection between achievements and self worth. I have sent most of my life striving for the highest grades and forgotten how to live in between.
Unless I did a masters, the next major milestone is an engagement, a house, or a baby. None of which I can see myself wanting anytime soon. The 10k and the half marathon I was eyeing up next were just another token to add to my collection of achievements. This isn’t overall a bad thing, I was just running away from the idea of having nothing plannedand the consequences of boredom. In the past few weeks I have realised what a privilege it is to have no plans. I don’t think my mind has been this quiet since before I started my GCSE’s. It won’t last, so I’m savouring it now.
4. Having space for creativity
With no assignments or required reading, I have FINALLY had the time to delve into my interests. I hadn’t really sat through a film for months. I’d read books I don’t feel like I’d taken them in. I read three 5 star rated books and was reminded of why I loved literature. I suddenly had the mental capacity to watch a film that wasn’t Twilight and notice all the little details in it. I’ve managed to get through two books a week and joined some book clubs.
I feel the urge to connect with my community and share my passion for literature. In doing this, I have realised that I don’t necessarily need a masters to display my love for literature. I can enjoy it in a pressure free environment. When I had accepted that I felt like my soul was being watered and I’d finally come back to myself again.
5. Getting my results
So, I got a 2:1!!! Which is a good degree, I’m not disappointed. But, I had a few really rough modules that felt so traumatising. When I looked at my results I noticed that if certain situations hadn’t occurred I could have got the first I’d been pining for.
This made me feel very angry and frustrated for a few days. As someone who only got one top grade at GCSE, didn’t do A Levels and dropped out of university the first time I hoped I could prove everyone wrong and come out with a top grade. Which I have! It’s just not a first. When I consider the grief, loss, and mental health struggles I had throughout those three years at university I am proud to have come out with a 2:1. I needed to give my head a wobble and remind myself of how far I’d come.
6. Building my own future
I had been on a few employability courses in my final year at university, so I had already begun applying for jobs and thinking about what I wanted to do postgrad. Alas, I still don’t have a full time job yet. So in this time I have been working on my own projects and side hustles to add to my CV and keep me busy. If you like my style of writing, I have started a SubStack page, which you can find here. This is just my daily musings as a writer and other concepts that interest me to write about. I have also been getting some freelance copywriter work to put on my LinkedIn to add to my portfolio for future employers.
Overall, this transition art period of my life was never going to be easy. I’m currently looking forward to my graduation day, and to get the future started.
