As we get closer to the beginning of term and for many, your first semester at university, the question on everyone’s mind is “how am I going to make friends?” It’s a very valid question so don’t feel like it’s too basic of a thing to be scared about. Fear is your first friend in uni. It shows you’re excited and something new is on the horizon. Trying to make friends in Manchester especially can be daunting because it’s a big city and might be a shift for you if you’re coming from a smaller town. I’m here to offer some advice and help you gain some control of your social life if you’re not sure where to start.
Don’t “just be yourself”
The most cliché thing that I hate hearing from people is “just be yourself!” Like what does that even mean? Myself? My frontal lobe isn’t fully developed yet I don’t even know who ‘myself’ is! Most people are more complicated than that, I definitely am. We’re still learning so much everyday, why would we limit ourselves to a predetermined definition of who we are? My advice is: don’t be yourself. The person you are now, coming out of college or a gap year or an apprenticeship, whatever it is, is not your completed form. Don’t sell yourself short, reinvent yourself!
These people at uni literally know nothing about you so be creative, be customisable. Within the laws of honesty of course, my best advice for making friends and building confidence is to invent that alter-ego. If you’re someone, for example, that’s super creative and loves fashion but felt limited in your hometown, now is your time to style and strut that part of you.
At home, my friends have different music tastes to me, and that’s okay—we had things in common elsewhere. But I was desperate to find people in uni into EDM. So, my alter ego emerged when I met new people. I asked, “What music do you like?”—not an exciting or particularly new question. It did help me be more confident by asking purposeful questions. Sure enough, I found my rave crew, who are now some of my closest friends.
This applies to art, sports, cooking—whatever it may be. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Start identifying even one or two pieces of the puzzle that make up you and let others complete the picture. Making friends in Manchester is a puzzle with no corner pieces—endless opportunities. The same goes for your personality—you get to define it, so have fun. If you’re stuck, kindness and honesty will get you pretty far too.
Take advantage of advertised activities
Now you’re working on reinventing yourself. Who do you share it with? Think of the first year as a free trial—you can explore anything without pressure to commit. Attend any events you want, whenever you want. Start with student events, usually posted by the Students’ Union or in your halls of residence. I was lucky in Whitworth Park halls; they offer many activities on Manchester campus and in the city to help you make friends whatever your preferred environment.
When you’re mingling at these events pay attention to the small details in conversation. Say you find out someone on your table at quiz night lives just two doors down the hall from you, don’t just get their flat number—grab their phone number or Instagram too! Halls activities are perfect for making friends in Manchester. From trips to local archery ranges and axe throwing to sip-and-paint evenings and yoga sessions. There’s something for everyone, no matter your social battery level.
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Face-to-face connections have more impact when you go out of your comfort zone. If there’s something you’ve always wanted to try but never had the chance to, these activities offered in and around Manchester’s student network can be so perfectly niche for making new friends. Whether you go once, every week or change your mind halfway through the semester, it doesn’t matter. The point is you put yourself out there.
I remember I did History-Netball for two weeks and then decided it wasn’t for me. What I got out of that though was another girl who also wasn’t feeling it and we actually bonded over finding the courage to tap out and find something else we had in common to do on our Tuesday evenings together instead.
Student societies are also a great place to make friends in Manchester because that uni literally has a society for everything. E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. It sets you up for a good opening conversation with the person sitting next to you when you can identify one common interest right of the bat. First year is the time for trial and error so don’t feel too accountable or committed. Focus on trying new things in Manchester with the purpose of meeting people rather than defining your interests too linearly. If someone asks you “what brings you here?” and you’re not actually a seasoned d&d player, be the “because I wanted to try it” person instead.
Here’s a link to Manchester’s SU homepage for all your planning needs.
The inverted triangle method
Unlike the way I decided to write this piece, the inverted triangle method is what I would call the way I used to meet most of my friends. To visualise this, start at the bottom- what’s most obvious. Your flatmates. No one is saying you have to be best friends with all 9 of them. I sure wasn’t. I had people in my flat that were in 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th year, international, local, shy, outgoing it was a whole mixed bag.
Making friends in Manchester is assisted greatly by the fact their halls are so diverse. Be open to having some things, but not all things in common, and accept their unfortunate living habits. Try just starting in your building to find a few solid friendly faces to ease the transition. Go from your flat mates, to your hallway neighbour’s, to your neighbours flatmates and so on. Their friends might become your new friends too. It’s a game of finding mutuals in uni because you’re in such close proximity with everyone.
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From here the triangle gets broader going upwards when freshers week ends (tragic I know, just do re-freshers like me and every other 2nd year holding on to their prime). Classes start and you can find the course-mates, and the course-mate’s friends and so on. Asking a question like “what societies are you interested in?” to learn more about them two minutes before a lecture starts will stimulate more mutual interest. Be different in what you ask people about themselves. Conversation that, unlike “where are you from?”, can be continued easily outside of class too.
Fear is at the tip of the triangle, she’s your first friend in uni. But the experience of finding your people slowly makes up the whole shape. There’s no rush to approach and be buddy-buddy with everyone you meet. Trust me you’ll meet people you do not like. There will be people who, no matter how hard you try, don’t like you either. Welp, that’s life!
But its great if you can start with the tools Manchester gives to you to make those first few friends. Out of that flat of 5 people or 12 people, there will be one person you can hold a conversation with. I swear all 5-12 of you are equally as terrified of each other and probably all have amazing things to offer too once that barrier melts down.
Friendships might not be the only thing on your mind…If you’re thinking of asking that new mate on a date, here’s another helpful article on the best first-date questions to ask (as well as the worst).
I’m Mia, a student at Manchester University studying History and Sociology. I love writing all things advice, tips and tricks to maximise your experience here in the big city. When my friends can’t reach me, I’m probably taking pictures at some random rave and dabbling in the world of photojournalism or curled up in bed with my kindle and phone on DND.
