Loneliness among students is much more common than you would expect. Previous research has found lots of students don’t go out or socialise much due to costs, but new research found that nearly 1 in 4 students felt lonely “most or all of the time”. This is roughly five times worse than it is in the general population, in which 1 in 20 people said they felt a similar level of loneliness. That is a worrying amount. Other research found, 92% of students admitted to experiencing loneliness at some point in university. So, what could be causing this? Well, there are a number of different factors. It may be that you’re struggling to make new friends, struggling with moving away from home or struggling to adjust to a new environment.
Feeling lonely is a completely normal experience at university. You have moved away from home, most likely knowing nobody, and are beginning a new chapter of your life with a brand-new routine that will definitely take some getting used to. If you’re coming straight from school then you will notice the difference in how your day will be laid out. In school, you will have went to form class, with time to chat with your classmates about the day ahead. The rest of your day was filled with talking to your table-mate, walking to class with friends, and spending your lunchtime in the playground with your group. It is safe to say that school days were highly sociable, whether we liked it or not.
University can seem the opposite for new students, if you don’t know what to expect. This can be for various reasons, which are discussed below.
Drinking culture
Alcohol can become a centre point in relationships, soon becoming the only activity you enjoy doing with loved ones. Perhaps someone suggests going out for the night or hitting the bars with the other students. By getting into the pattern of going out drinking every night, your brain becomes used to this routine and is soon unfulfilled when you have to spend a quiet night in, instead of going out into bars or clubs. It can be difficult to be left alone with your own thoughts, or in a silent flat, where you can feel like the only person in the world. Soon, it can become that you only enjoy spending time with friends in an alcohol setting, leading you to feel alone during the day or in the evenings away from the bar.
Alcohol has also been proven to worsen mental health, affecting the chemistry in the brain and increasing the risk of depression and anxiety. It can also, over time, cause sleep problems, migraines, and reckless behaviour. Living with mental health problems is challenging and isolating, especially if you are stuck in a cycle of drinking to cope (which then worsens your symptoms.)
Introversion
It can be easy to blow off invitations with, “no thanks, it’s not really my thing,” or, “I’m having a quiet night in,” and while it is healthy to have a night to yourself, getting into the habit of spending evenings alone can contribute to the loneliness that you may be feeling. If going out is not something that appeals to you, try getting some friends over for a movie night, a games night, or even just snacks!
Academic pressure
In a culture of “locking in” and “grinding out essays” we can often feel like we’re falling behind our peers, no matter how much work we have done. There can be a pressure from family, ourselves, and universities to fully throw yourself into your work. It is definitely important to take university seriously and to focus on your studies, but by spending too much time alone can contribute to loneliness. Try to remember that your worth is not determined by how well you do academically, and if you need an extension, take one! It is perfectly normal to experience burnout at some point in life, and the important thing is that you are looking after yourself.
How to feel less lonely
It is so important to get involved in your campus if you are experiencing loneliness. As previously mentioned, isolating yourself only feeds into the issue of loneliness, and this is something that is normal, but it can be avoided!
A good way to get involved on campus is through different societies. No matter what campus you are on, there will always be a vast range of societies to choose from, and it’s very unlikely you won’t find something that appeals to your taste. I would encourage you to try as many different groups as possible, as this increases your chances of finding the right people for you and will definitely help you to make connections on campus. Have a look on our student societies section to get more advice on which society may be best for you and how to join one.
It may seem like the obvious answer when it comes to helping loneliness, but going the extra mile to make friends will really help you to get out of that slump that you are in. Some good ways to make friends are through online chatrooms dedicated to your specific campus. These chatrooms/group chats are an excellent way to connect with people on your course, in your area, and likeminded students. You can also head down to your student’s union area of the university. The chances are your uni has a hub for students to mingle, and a good place to find out which events are on and when. A lot of the time, SU has a buddy scheme in order to help students make friends and to give new students support, so definitely take advantage of this if new social situations aren’t your forte.
The SU also offers wellbeing check-ins and resources for students who are struggling to adjust to the new university life. They usually offer free counselling to anyone who needs it, advice sessions, and practical help for those who reach out. It is highly important to take advantage of these services if you need them- remember that it’s completely normal to feel this way and some of us just need additional help when it comes to this sort of thing.
Moreover, if you are based in the UK then please take advantage of the services offered by the NHS. The healthcare system offers help such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT,) as well as other help such as different support lines. Click here to see these support lines.
To feel less lonely, try at least one of these four ideas.
1. Set realistic goals
The most important thing to take into account. Talking to people can be difficult, so making small, realistic goals will make it feel a lot easier. For instance, you could set yourself a goal of talking to someone new at each lecture or seminar. Alternatively, you could challenge yourself to go to one or two social events a week. Pushing yourself can be a good thing, but knowing your limits is more important. Start slow, then if you start to feel more confident and self-assured, you can increase this as and when you see fit. It’s a way of getting started.
2. Join a society or club
Universities have so many clubs and societies, so if you’re feeling lonely at university, this could be the perfect solution. There are many different options tailored to different interests, from bands and orchestras to sports teams. This can be a perfect way to start talking to people, as everyone there will have a shared interest, giving you something to talk about without it feeling too awkward. A great way to broaden your social circle and meet people from across the university that you may not necessarily meet in halls or on your course.
For more reading, check out our list of the 20 weirdest university societies in the UK.
3. Stay in touch with family and friends
Seems like an obvious thing, but if you feel lonely at uni because you miss your family and friends, keep in touch with them! While it may not be financially or logistically feasible to visit regularly, texting or calling regularly allows you to keep in contact and stay close to them, even if you are miles apart. Establishing some sort of routine will give you structure, which uni life doesn’t often have.
4. Believe in yourself
And finally, the most important thing you can do if you’re feeling lonely at university is to believe in yourself! It can be difficult to start socialising, but if you feel confident in yourself, then it’s a lot better. That’s exactly what I did. The first couple of days after I had moved into halls my first year, I didn’t talk to anyone. Then, one day, after one of my induction things for my course, I decided to talk to the group that was sitting in the courtyard outside our accommodation. Those people turned into my closest friends and I’m so happy that I decided to force myself into talking to them. See, believing in yourself works!
So, there you have it. Here is some advice on what to do if you feel lonely at university. What works will differ for everyone, so it’s good to figure out what works for you. But, the most important thing that I can not stress enough is that if you feel like you need to talk to someone about your feelings of loneliness, then people are there for you. Could be a family member, could be a counsellor at your university’s health service, could be through a charity. If you need to talk, there are people who can and will listen. You’re not alone.