Is it normal to feel isolated at university?

Moving to university alone is stressful enough, but coupled with overwhelming feelings of isolation can make the experience even more difficult. In fact a study conducted by the Government found that ‘92% of students experience loneliness’ and a further ‘43% of 18-34 year-olds worry that if they said they were lonely then they would be judged’. So if you’ve ever asked yourself if it is normal to feel isolated at university then the short answer is yes, it is a perfectly normal feeling to have. But why do we feel like this? Well there could be a number of factors and below we discuss a couple of those top reasons.

New environment

For many students who attend university it is their first time not only living alone but being in a completely new place. And with this comes a whole new set of challenges. If you go to university in a heavily built up area or city then insetad of waking up every morning and opening your window to the sound of birds and seeing nature all around you you are much more likely to hear the blasting of horns from your everyday commuters and perhaps even a building site coming to life which is a big adjustment. Another thing that comes with a new environment is new people. No more catching up on family news with the neighbours you’ve known for years. Or friendly banter with the shop keeper who’s known you since childhood. Instead you now have Gary (disclaimer: your local shop keeper might not be called Gary so please do not address them as such without confirming first). But just because you don’t know anybody in your new area doesn’t mean you can’t get to know people. At the end of this article you’ll find a couple of tips for battling loneliness, and some of them include ways to meet new people.

Social anxiety

Now while many people can feel worried about any social situation in general, having social anxiety is vastly different. Having social anxiety can affect everyday activities you do, damage your self confidence, and even impact on not only your abilities at work/school but also your ability to form meaningful relationships. And when you are alone at university it can effect these things even more, with the isolation only increasing these fears. But please don’t feel as though you are alone in this. Like studies quoted previously have found, many people experience loneliness in university and I’d bet that a fair number of those people experience some type of social anxiety. Thankfully there are a couple of different ways you can help yourself when it comes to dealing with social anxiety. For instance self help is a good place to start. Writing down your thoughts and fears can be a step in figuring out if there’s any reason to them. As well as this you could also try some relxation techniques if everything starts to become too overwhelming. Breathing exercises and meditation are a great relaxation techniques that are known to reduce stress levels and even help improve sleep. Though finding a method that works specifically for you will require a bit of testing. If you feel as though you might be suffering from social anxiety and can’t find ways to calm it yourself then perhaps you should check out this NHS article about Social Anxiety.

Financial stress

In recent years the cost of living prices in the UK has increased exponentially and students have most definitely felt the effects of it. From the increase in rent and other bills aswell as any personal expenses, managing your own money can seem like a daunting task. Some students even choose to look for employment alongside their studies so they can have an extra bit of income ontop of what they are allotted from student finance. But even then the stress of finances can still linger. Although it might seem like this won’t contrbute to feelings of loneliness it most certainly does. Going out these days for lets say drinks, as many students tend to do, is an expensive time. But when you’ve had to pay your rent and bills and then budgeted to make sure you will have enough money to last you until you receive the next payment, you come to realise that you might not have as much fun money as you think. And when you see your peers going out together to do stuff, this can not only increase your stress and loneliness but could also make you self-conscious. Here’s a couple of tips on how you can manage your money in a responsible way:

1. Make a note of your priorities and make sure to track where you are spending your money – this will benefit you in the long run. When you can find where the pennies might be adding up unnecessarily you can start saving that money instead.
2. Expect emergencies and plan for them – though you might not have an emergency, it’s better to plan for one so you are prepared and have the funds to pay for anything necessary. As the old saying goes better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.
3. Try and make a plan for each month/Budget – this links back to the first point, all your priority buys go in your budget. From shopping, to medical expenses, to even laundry. All of this is included in the budget. This will also give you a good indication of what funds you can have left over for yourself, just remember to add a portion of that into your emergency savings.

My experience with isolation

The biggest thing I noticed was how quiet it was. There wasn’t that sense of constant activity and presence of others around you, even if there were countless other students moving in. It dawned on me over the next couple of hours from moving in just how alone I truly was in this place. Before arriving I thought I wouldn’t be visiting home very often, but in reality I felt that alone I was travelling back almost every weekend for the first couple of months. I know now how unhelpful that was to me. Instead of running home every weekend I should have stuck it out and found ways to comfort myself. Another way that made me feel the isolation more was the fact I had no friends. I was the only person from my circle of friends who had decided to study in a different city to everyone else so I was already at a disadvantage. Though we tried to stay in contact at first eventually a couple of those friendships succumbed to distance which was painful at first but thankfully I still had friends from home who I could talk to.

How I overcame it

After a while I started to figure out ways to make myself comfortable in my new home. For instance I started to surround myself in things that reminded me of home, printing some pictures of your loved ones (both human and furry) is a good one. I also began buying things that made my room feel more snug like blankets, extra pillows, mood lighting, etc. Eventually my room became a place I was much happier staying in for long periods so my little trips home became less and less frequent. Don’t get me wrong it does still feel lonely at times but having a quick chat over the phone with people from home or busying my mind with some random tasks can help ease those feelings away.

Some tips for dealing with loneliness

1. Join a club or society – this is one of the best ways for you to meet people whilst also doing something that you enjoy! This is especially useful if you don’t happen to live in student accomodation. Taylor, a former student, said that ‘not living in student accommodation, or with others on his course, made it hard to make friends.’
2. Participate in group work/excercises in class – of course this one seems obvious but the amount of people who don’t want to take part in group work/exercises will surprise you. While these tasks help you in your studies and grades, they also serve to be useful when getting to know the people on your course.
3. Keep in touch with your friends and family – I cannot stress enough how important this one is.
4. Talk about how you’re feeling with someone you trust – now I understand that this one might be difficult for those of us who don’t usually like talking about how we feel but sometimes it’s necessary for us to do. By talking about those feelings it helps them not to build up inside you which can lead to further mental and possibly even physical health issues

Still unsure about how to approach people you’ve just met in university? Try reading this article: How To Meet People At Uni And Make Friends Outside Of Student Halls