When you imagine university, you probably picture a constant stream of friendships: finding your “people” in the first week, going out together, studying together and building lifelong connections.
But, for many students, that’s not how it always plays out. The truth is, making friends at uni can be a lot harder than people expect and it’s something a lot of students silently struggle with, even on busy campuses surrounded by thousands of people.
The expectation vs the reality
There’s this unspoken idea that university is where you instantly find your friendship group. From fresher’s week to accommodation group chats and society events, it all creates the impression that friendships just happen naturally. And sometimes they do but not always in the way people expect.
You might meet people quickly in your first week but that doesn’t guarantee that those friendships will be deep, long-lasting or even comfortable. A lot of early university friendships are based on convenience — who you live with, who you sit next to in a lecture, who you happen to meet first.
Being surrounded by people doesn’t mean you feel connected
One of the strangest things I’ve realised about university is that you can be around people all the time and still feel lonely. Lecture halls are full. Campus cafés are busy. Everyone seems to be walking around in groups.
In my first year, I remember feeling like I had failed at something because I didn’t have a big, social life. You know, the one that’s often glamorised on social media, with students in their group, partying often and going on random, fun side quests I quietly was envious of.
But now, as I approach the end of university, I realise I was not alone in this. The expectation of having loads of friends at uni can make things worse because it looks like every single person has meaningful connections, but not all of us do (or in my case now, did).
Social media is an illusion
Social media doesn’t help much either. You’ll see people posting group pictures on Instagram, nights out on Snapchat, birthday celebrations via TikTok — and it can feel like everyone else is having the “perfect” university experience.
But what you don’t see are the quiet moments in between: The surface level friendships, the people who also feel out of place but just don’t talk or post about it.
It creates a pressure to feel like you’re behind, when in reality, a lot of people are in the exact same position and… I think that’s totally normal.
Not all friendships are meant to last
Another thing people don’t talk about enough is that it’s normal for friendships at university to change.
You might outgrow people. You might realise you don’t have much in common outside your course or accommodation. That can feel discouraging, especially if you thought those were “your people.”
I made friends in my first week of uni that I don’t speak to anymore, not because of conflict or dislike, but because that’s how life works sometimes. Especially when you’re a young adult figuring and navigating life out yourself.
This doesn’t mean you’ve failed at making friends. It just means you’re growing up, and so is everyone else.
Why it can feel harder than expected
To make long-term friends at university, it isn’t just about meeting people. It’s about finding the right people. And that takes time.
Everyone is adjusting in their own way. University is a new environment, with new routines, academic pressure and some of us are even living independently for the first time.
So, while you may be surrounded by opportunities to meet others, building genuine connections doesn’t always happen instantly. In fact, I didn’t find my people until halfway through my second year. And honestly, these friends were worth the wait because I know our friendships will last even years after university life.
So… what actually helps?
There’s no perfect formula to making friends at uni, but a few things can make a difference:
- Consistency matters more than intensity: You don’t need to meet loads of people, just seeing the same few people regularly (in classes, shared kitchen or spots you visit often) helps build familiarity.
- It’s okay if your circle is small: One or two genuine connections are worth more than a large group where you don’t feel comfortable, or like yourself.
- Give it time: Not everyone finds their people in first year or even second year. That doesn’t mean it won’t happen. Stay true to yourself and be open to opportunities that come your way.
- Learn to enjoy your own company too: This is something a lot of people don’t say out loud but being comfortable on your own makes everything else feel less pressured -and if you’re like me, your company is probably the best anyway 😉
Making friends at university isn’t always as easy as it’s made out to be and that’s okay. If you’ve ever felt out of place, disconnected or like everyone else has it figured out except you, you’re not alone.
Also, remember that uni isn’t just about finding people. It’s about understanding yourself, what you need and what kind of connections feel right for you.