Dating is a minefield. Always has been, always will be. Dating at uni, is unfortunately no exception and there isn’t an easy answer whether you should date at uni or not. I think the most important part of the question centres around worth; is it adding value to your experience or is it detracting from your experience?
It would be my advice to detach yourself from the overly romanticised ideal of meeting your future wife/husband at university! As lovely as that can be, it won’t be the case for everyone and it shouldn’t necessarily be; for one, being in your late teens, early twenties you’re going to grow and change so much, expecting to stay with someone during such a period isn’t always ideal. There are lots of positives of being single as a student and truly getting to know your ever-evolving self and investing in your friendships and hobbies!
Here are 4 things to consider when debating whether dating at uni is worth it for you.
1. Time at uni is precious
For a lot of people university is the very first experience of freedom and independence and that adds a whole new dimension to the prospect of dating away from your family, which in a new city with brand new people can be very exciting. However, your time at uni flies by and I know lots of people avoid dating to make sure they are enjoying every second of it and allowing themselves to be rightfully focused on themselves. Your time is always precious and everything you choose to do and everyone you choose to see, are all ways in which you are investing your time; make sure it is nourishing you.
2. Uni is for learning about yourself
In my experience, everyone you meet teaches you something; whether it’s about yourself, life, the human experience or a niche sport you had no idea existed. Meeting new people, experiencing new things and learning about yourself is really valuable and in many ways the freedom and excitement of uni is the perfect time to embark on a dating journey.
One lesson I will always stand by is that relationships reveal so much about yourself, as they force you to open up and be vulnerable with someone and trust them in a completely different way to platonic relationships. However, investing time in your friendships, sports, societies, degree and yourself are all essential to learn about yourself too.
3. How do people date at uni
It is important however, to consider your end goal and communicate that honestly in order to make sure that they are on the same page; is it just to have a date or two, a casual partner or a committed relationship. This is often half the challenge, with thousands of young people in a city all partying and going out together, finding someone mature and communicative enough to align your own needs and goals with. Lots of students use dating apps like Tinder or Hinge and you can often tell a lot from someone’s dating intentions from their profile! Word of warning, use these apps at Uni is a great way to connect with new people but you never know who you’re going to be sharing a seminar group with next term or walking past in the library every day so use it wisely.
4. Dating at uni is like a balancing act
However, uni is often a big transition and I think a lot of students feel living away from home, with new people, in a new city, with lectures and seminars to attend, societies to join, social events and activities, and a stack of essays and exams is more than enough to deal with without having to consider a whole other person. This is entirely valid and more often than not, probably the simplest way to enjoy uni, especially your first year or two. My experience of dating at uni has very much felt like a balancing act, between university work, my part-time job, my friendships, society events, hobbies and time to myself which can be tiring.
There are so many beautiful things that come with dating, however, the mental capacity that relationships require should not be underestimated. This is probably worsened by the fact that a lot of students will not be ready for relationships just yet!
When I started uni I was in a funny spot with dating and it made my first year arguably much more complicated than it needed to be… No one wants to be crying in the club. Having said that, it really showed me how wonderful my girl friends are. Despite only knowing them for a matter of months, they showed me the true power of female friendships and defined a really important part of my first year uni experience. But I know I was lucky to have that support network around me, experiencing dating and relationship issues without good people around you while being away from home could be difficult.
So, is dating worth it at uni?
There are no right answers as long as you keep yourself safe, treat people kindly and do what you think is best for you. As a big believer in the power of the universe I think this is something that will find you when the time is right. There is also something to be said for intuition, often you know what’s right for you and putting that trust in yourself to make the right decisions as and when situations present themselves is the most empowering and worthwhile skill to harness. Therefore, my advice would be keep yourself open to the idea and evaluate opportunities as they arise. If you take anything from this article, let it be this; you are allowed to be selfish and this period of your life should be exactly as you want it to be!
If you’re ready to try dating, why not go slow with these low key date ideas you can try.
